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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27452611">if only.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiningmidsummermoment/pseuds/shiningmidsummermoment'>shiningmidsummermoment</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-binary character, Not Beta Read, Unrequited Love, based on the AOT2 game, but can be read individually, so you can just use whatever pronouns you like</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:41:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27452611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiningmidsummermoment/pseuds/shiningmidsummermoment</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the story of a survey corps member and the captain levi ackerman.</p>
<p>if only they knew what the other felt.</p>
<p>follows the events of the AOT2 game.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Female Reader - Relationship, Levi/Original Character, Levi/Original Female Character, Levi/Original Male Character, Levi/Reader, Levi/male reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if only.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>fyi, the original character is an adult, and levi is slightly aged down, because that's just the vibes i got in the game. we do not support pedophilia here. forgive me if there are any grammatical errors, this isn't beta-ed.</p>
<p> <br/>SPOILER BELOW!!!!!</p>
<p>i couldn't stop thinking about how the survey corps mourned for your death, especially levi sitting by himself sipping tea. so i came up with this!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The plants always intrigued Ash. The wide variety of flowers, the different textures of tree barks, even the smell of the grass differed from place to place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This is why Ash was currently sitting down in the middle of the Survey Corps HQ plaza, busy drawing the flower right in front of them. It was like no other flower they’d seen before, with red petals which slowly faded into white.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t just plants that Ash drew. Ash drew buildings, people, items, and any other object that caught their attention. Sometimes, they drew the day-to-day happenings in the Survey Corps HQ. Ash’s journal contained some very hilarious incidents that happened within the 104th. And it was no secret that Ash was an amazing artist. Anyone who viewed any of their drawings would never fail to exclaim how they could feel it come to life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t just art that Ash excelled at. Ash was easily one of the top few Survey Corps among the batch of fresh recruits, with skills comparable to that of Mikasa. The way Ash flew gracefully through the skies and sliced Titans with such ease did not go unnoticed by the veterans, being personally handpicked by THE Captain Levi to join his elite squad, with even Commander Erwin telling them that with more experience, they could easily be promoted to Section Commander. Along with their friendly nature and kind heart, it was no wonder that Ash was one of the most popular Survey Corps, even being nicknamed 'the nicer version of Levi', despite being a few years older than the 104th.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, brat, what are you doing out here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ash looked up to meet steel grey eyes. Captain Levi stood towering over them. He seemed to appear displeased, with his signature frown, but Ash had gotten close enough to him to know Levi was just concerned for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I’m just sketching this flower over here. Look! Have you ever seen anything like this before?” Levi shifted his eyes to the flower. Well, he barely glanced at it, before meeting Ash’s eyes again. “Yeah, sitting in the middle of the plaza drawing a flower. Not surprised.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ash scratched their neck in embarrassment. Sure, Ash had gotten closer to Levi in the past few months, but his brutality was still there. Ash was just about to reply when Levi opened his mouth again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Meet me in the kitchen tomorrow, after your mission.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ash widened their eyes, and couldn’t help but stand up in shock. Ash had never heard of anyone having one-to-one time with Levi. Other than Commander Erwin and Section Commander Hange, that is. Levi isolated himself from everyone most of the time and no one ever dared to approach him for anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Unless…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, stop! What on earth are you thinking about, Ash? He’s your Captain, for Sina’s sake!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ash tried to find the words they wanted to say. Their mind kept drifting to places where it shouldn’t be. Ash must have opened and closed their mouth so many times that Levi raised his eyebrow questioningly. As he cleared his throat, Ash was brought back to reality.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, Ash... It’s nothing serious, okay? You aren’t getting your ass kicked out of my squad or anything. I just... want to try some more of that tea you make.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Ah, so this is what it was all about. Levi just wanted to try some of my tea</em>, Ash thought. Ignoring the little pang of disappointment they felt deep down in their heart, Ash smiled. “Of course, Captain!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As their eyes locked on each other for more than what was a comfortable duration, Levi immediately darted away. Then came the most surprising thing Ash had ever seen Levi do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi placed his hand on Ash’s shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi spoke, still looking away from Ash. “The mission tomorrow... Don’t do anything stupid, okay? It’s just... You’re one of the best recruits the Scouts have ever seen in a while. We need you here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ash gave a salute. “Yes, Captain!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If only Ash had turned back, they would have seen the look of longing in Levi’s eyes. If Ash had paid closer attention previously, they would have noticed the blush in Levi’s cheeks when their eyes met longer than they should.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And maybe, even the “<strong>I</strong> need you here.” left unsaid.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course. Of freaking course. It was always the people he cared about that left. First, his mother. Then, Isabel and Furlan. Squad Levi. Mike. Nanaba. Heck, even Kenny. And Erwin lost his arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, it was Ash.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“C-Captain Levi!”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Levi was drinking his tea when Armin barged into his room unceremoniously. He knew something was wrong the moment he met Armin’s face. Filled with fear and panic he had never seen before in his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Spit it out.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Ash... Ash wanted us to pass you this.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Levi felt his heart stop upon seeing what was in Armin’s hands. Ash’s journal.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Levi narrowed his eyes. “Where is Ash?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“The T-Titans were about to catch us, s-so A-Ash went to—“</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I SAID, WHERE IS ASH?!”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Levi didn’t even realise he shouted until he heard his voice crack and saw Armin flinch. Shit, it's not even his fault, why are you screaming?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“A-Ash is... gone, sir.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. Levi refused to believe those words.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Running a hand across his face, all he could muster was “Get lost.” He was thankful he didn’t have to repeat himself.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few hours had passed since then, and night had already fallen. Levi sat by himself in the kitchen, spinning his tea mindlessly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had seen Hange yelling to Erwin on his way to the kitchen. <em>“We can’t just ditch Ash! There’s a chance Ash is still alive, it’s not like you’ve never seen how good they were at slicing Titans!” Levi knew how much Hange treasured Ash.</em> It was incredibly rare for anyone to respect, let alone share the same passion as them for Titan biology.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few cadets were even crying. <em>Tch.</em> Not surprising, considering Ash’s popularity and the number of lives he had saved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You fool. Why did you not tell Ash sooner? You don’t even get the chance now. You will live forever, never knowing the answer to the question your heart desires.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi thought it was funny how calm he was now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked across the table at the empty seat in front of him. He imagined Ash, with their beautiful smile that always cheered people up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi didn’t expect to fall for Ash. Okay, maybe it was Ash’s natural talent at the 3DMG that initially attracted him. Then, with the more number of missions the Scouts went on, the more Ash’s talent was obvious to everyone. Along with their kindhearted nature, Levi immediately knew this was a recruit he had to get on his squad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the days went by, Levi found himself being more and more drawn into Ash. They knew how to handle themselves in a fight, were a good team player, intelligent, caring, their adorable childlike curiosity, artistically talented, and made good tea. And how could he ever forget, the immense surge of pride whenever Ash yelled “Heichou!” as they went in together for a co-op kill. Levi found himself initiating conversations with Ash, saving the seat beside him for Ash and even bought new art pencils for Ash for their birthday. Nothing could ever beat the joy Levi felt upon seeing the shine in Ash’s eyes when they saw those art pencils.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“You didn’t have to, Captain!”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Tch. I better see more colour in those drawings of yours now. And how many times do I have to say, you can drop the formalities when it’s just the two of us.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“If you say so… Levi.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wanted to slap himself that day for acting like such a lovesick teenager upon hearing his name.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Levi never dared to confess to Ash. After all, Ash was still his subordinate. It might cause some unnecessary drama and rumours, that none of them needed in their busy lives. So Levi swallowed those feelings down. But today, not being able to watch out for Ash in missions worried him. Thus, he had decided today would be the day to come clean to Ash about his feelings. After the mission. The last thing you should do is give extra pressure to Ash if they don’t feel the same way about you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The journal laid neatly beside his tea, untouched. Levi didn’t think he would ever muster up the courage to flip through its pages. Ash had entrusted their most personal belonging to... Him? Of all people?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t want to think about it any further. He tried not to think about how he could have knelt down in front of Ash and take those soft tender hands, which he had once accidentally brushed against during training, and entwine them with his fingers. He tried not to think about what it would feel like to kiss those peach lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If only Levi had opened the journal, he would have seen the drawing of him on the very last page. He would have seen the tiny words on the bottom of the page, which read:</p>
<p>
  <em>To Captain Levi, the king of my heart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>With love,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ash.</em>
</p>
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